Lily lied to me last night about something so stupid I wasn't sure how big of a deal to make out of it but after a few minutes of deep, what a big fat liar mouth thought, I decided that any lie, big or small is something that should be dealt with immediately and not tolerated. What if the little lies snowballed and someday led to her being the focus of a Wall Street scandal? Eventually the media would uncover the fact that her Mother never dealt with the issue of the missing duct tape in 4th grade and my inability to deal with conflicts would surface to shame me, again. So I tightened the terry cloth belt on my robe and went in like a trial lawyer demanding to know the facts.
It's ironic that duct tape is the source of yet another conversation in my life. A few weeks ago we began treating the wart on Lily's big toe with duct tape as instructed by the Pediatrician. I guess I didn't keep it on long enough because it grew back, uglier than before, and we had to start the process all over again.
I saw Lily with the tape in her hand yesterday morning and just assumed that she was putting a piece of it on her toe. When she came home from school she had on three black duct tape bracelets. She said her friend Violet made them for her. I asked if she made any and she said no. So, we're getting ready for bed and I need to wrap the wart and can't find the duct tape. I told her to come help me find it because she had it in her hand in the morning and now I can't find it. I asked again if she brought it to school to make bracelets and she said no. Unconvincingly. I knew she was going down. I told her that if she wasn't telling the truth, now would be a good time to come clean because I will drive to school in the morning and look in her desk. The horror of the mental image she must have had of me digging through her desk and finding the tape was obvious on her face and she said "It might have accidentally got put in my back and then accidentally put in my desk." My response was, "You accidentally do things like stub your toe or drive to work with your coffee cup on top of the car. You don't accidentally put a large roll of black duct tape in your backpack and then unload it into your desk. Go upstairs and sit on the bed until I get there." I needed those few moments to decide whether or not to make an enormous crime out of this or heat up my tea and crawl into bed with my book which is what I was looking forward to all night. I went with enormous crime and this is the part where I tightened the belt on my robe and assumed the role of a prosecuting attorney. I added some stomping up the stairs for effect. The inquisition only took 45 seconds to get her to admit that she did indeed make a bracelet. There was apparently a whole crew of duct tape thieves out there making goth like jewelery. I wanted to pinch her really hard for lying to me, especially about something so stupid, but I refrained from physical abuse and laid on the guilt instead. Thick. Tears were flowing. Promises were made.
I believe that I just spared the world one big fat liar mouth criminal in the years to come.
I picked up the phone several times to call Joe and tell him about it but put it back down each time knowing that I would retell the tale and not get much of a response and it's probably better that I learn how to deal with these things myself now. Putting the phone down definitely must be a sign of moving on. Isn't it?