Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Forty Nine

I so vividly remember this one night when Lily was a baby. Well, it was more like the wee hours of the morning. She nursed. I changed her. She fussed. She nursed. She cried. She didn't want to go back to sleep. We rocked. I hummed. She snuggled in and the chair rocked back and forth.

Back and forth.

She had these gigantic eyes and was looking up at me. I did some math. When this baby is 16 i'm going to be 49 years old. I wondered who she would be. Who I would be. It seemed so far away on a night when the minutes of listening to a fussy baby seemed to last for hours.

Here it is.
Here we are.
This is nothing like I thought it would be.
It's better.

I've spent most of today driving Lily back and forth to work. I'd rather have my toes in the sand at the beach but this part of us will be over soon and I might miss it. Car talk is precious and productive. Seeing her safely from point a to b eases my mind. I'll do the beach another day.

This coming year, the steps we are taking away from each other are going to get bigger and bigger. No more of this baby stuff. Senior pictures, SAT's, the last first day of school, more college visits, applications to college, going to college. Someone, please please please slow this train down.

I really don't mind getting older. I swear. I do however mind the increasing speed at which it seems to be happening. I do mind that I need 4 different pairs of eye glasses to get thru the day. I do mind these single rogue hairs that occasionally pop up on my face over night. What in the hell is that? Dear God, I usually appreciate your sense of humor but now would not be a good time for my dominant, hairy Italian gene to show up. I have a new middle aged my kid is growing up part of life to create. I would prefer it if I took this task on without a mustache. Please. I ask for so little.

These things have happened since my last trip around the sun:

I put the finishing touches on my kitchen update. The last set of shelves I installed went up without me crying and calling the power drill truly horrible swear words. Some of the cabinet doors are maybe not so straight. The dog chewed one corner of the trim. If you squint and tilt your head a little bit, it looks pretty good. I am ok with perfectly imperfect.

I somehow fell more in love with the dog. Jazzy is going to be 3 soon. He loves us deeply and is the most loyal companion. I do wish he would stop humping the cat.

I am two blueberry bushes closer to having an edible yard and two minutes away from declaring a full out back yard war on a bunny and a woodchuck. The dirty ratfinks keep eating my spinach and lettuce. My tactics will be way less scary than an
intercontinental ballistic missile. I'm thinking pepper spray or maybe i'll grow them their own decoy pot of lettuce or offer a desirable relocation plan. Funny thing, they haven't eaten the kale.

"See Mom? Even they hate kale."
                                           Lily Henson

My porch is full plants and soft places to sit and watch people go by. I love it.

This house is really coming together. This life is really coming together.

Here it is.
Forty nine.
Happy Birthday to Me.