Jumping Spider

I'm not very picky about my insect snacks. I do however draw the line with that jumping spider. This is exactly why you're on your own with that giant one on the hose spigot. You, staring wide eyed, back and forth between me and the spider is in no way luring me to eat him so you can turn the hose off.
This is your big plan?
Someone has to eat the spider?
One of us has to make a move. I'm betting it's going to be you. I can sit here all night. You will eventually whine for your pajamas and need to turn the hose off before the basement floods.
Funny, where is that idiot Blue Jay when we need him? He'd probably eat it.
Why God?
Why does he need to have the ability to lunge himself at me from a mile away with those gigantic beady eyes?
Why the jumping spider?
I have so many questions.